What does Zaraki Kenpachi do before a meeting?
by Wizard92
Summary: read the title and you'll understand what it's about. Rated T for the words. Please R


**Story:** **what does Zaraki Kenpachi do before a meeting starts?**

**Author: Alexis Momiji Maru**

**I don't own bleach, because if I did, none off you dudes would ever see those hot guys again :p-. They'd be mine then, hahahahaha...euh, moving on.**

**I was bored and in a weird mood, so I came up with this. Hope you like it.**

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"Common Zaraki-taichou

"Common Zaraki-taichou! We're late already for the meeting; I yelled at my taichou. He's impossible to life with. Well, to have as a taichou. He's always late for meetings and this one was really important. Yachiru was making a lot of noise and annoying the shit out of me.

Dame those DAME rules off the 11th division:

1) respect Yachiru

2) never talk back to Yachiru

3) always let Yachiru do what ever she wants to do no matter how stupid it is

4) give Yachiru what eevr she wants from you (even if it's your clothes)

5) worship Yachiru if she want's you to do so

Zaraki-taichou always made sure that everyone remembered those rules. It was strictly forbidden to hurt the pink popsicle. The last time someone didn't obeyed those rules, taichou made the man the laughingstock the 11th division. He had been hanged to a pole, butt naked. Ikkaku almost laughed himself into a coma.

I have switched divisions and I was going to be hear if I had been doing a good job or not. Well, something like that. Frankly I have no idea what this meeting is about. I forgot to knock on the door of the taichou's room and that was a big mistake!

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"Well, now that everyone is here, we'll start the meeting; the head commander said. All the captains were standing on their place in the row, what remained me of first grade, where we also did that.

The only difference was that we all held hands. I pictured an image off all the taichou's holding hands and laughing like little kids do. I nearly fainted off the image. How disturbing.

Memo to myself: never imagine that again! NEVER AGAIN!

"What is your explanation for being late Zaraki Kenpachi?; the commander asked the freaky dude standing next to me. I couldn't help it and started to smirk my ass of. Taichou's face was redder then a tomato. No one was following what was going on between me and my taichou.

"You want to tell them, or should I, Zaraki-taichou?; I asked the man and gave him my biggest grin. If the man would become any more redder, then he would faint. I guess it's a good thing that the captain of the 4th division is here then. I always forget her name. I can't stand her anyway: she's to nice!

I bet that at night she goes out, wearing this uniform like cat-woman does and starts slathering man with sadistically games, which also involves sex. O just great, now I'm picturing that! Bad girl, bad girl, stop it! Pull yourself together!

2nd memo to myself: never imagine that again too!

"Shut your mouth and maybe you'll live longer; he told me, what made me smile even more. The commander demanded an explanation for us being late: "Well, you see Zaraki-taichou was reading a magazine and…"

"Typical, you have been reading porn books again, haven't you?; Aizen-sama said, shocking the shit out off me. WTF is going on here?

"Zaraki man, you got busted last week too; Kuchiki-taichou said before my captain could answer Aizen.

"Dude, learn to control yourself!; the captain of the 13th division told the man. What? How do they all know that he was reading a porn book?

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(a few minutes before we arrived at the meeting)

I opened the door off taichou's room and found him reading some magazine. Are you kidding me? What could possible be so interesting in that stupid thing that would make him be late for a meeting!

Zaraki started turning extremely red and I saw that he was holding the dame thing on it's side. He was looking at something. I looked better at the cover of the magazine and saw some half naked girl on it.

Oh, apparently the _boobies_ are the reason for him being late. I wonder what the commander will say when hearing this one.

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(back to the meeting)

"Yeah man, you better not have stolen the book from my pile!; Tousan joined in on the conversation off Zaraki's hormones and manly needs. All the male captains actually joined in. What is this? Some porn convention.

"Hey Kenpachi, what volume were you reading? Number 19?; Ichimaru asked the creepy man.

"No, it was volume 18. I haven't bought the newest yet; my captain answered and let his hand hang low. Apparently, this is a porn convention. I looked at the commander and practically begged for it to stop. I don't want to know this stuff!

"What can I do? Those volumes are interesting. We man have needs too you know; I can not believe he just said that!

I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE NEEDS OFF THE MALE CAPTAINS OF SOUL SOCIATY!!

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I hope you guy's laughed really hard while reading this. Please sent reviews, so I know what you think about it.


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